“It was a dream. But it wasn’t a dream.” and “Everything that happens stays inside you, even if you can’t remember it” — Hayao Miyazaki’s “Forgetting” as a Mechanism for Growth

In the works of Director Hayao Miyazaki, “memory” is not merely an accumulation of information. It appears to be depicted as “nourishment” that settles into the unconscious, forming the soil of one’s personality.

I believe this is most prominently shown in My Neighbor Totoro(Official), released in 1988, and Spirited Away(Official), released in 2001.

At first glance, these two works seem to have different worldviews, but they mirror each other in that “mysterious experiences in childhood are destined to be forgotten as one grows up.” In this article, I would like to examine the mechanism of “forgetting and growth” depicted by Hayao Miyazaki, centering on two symbolic lines from both works: “It was a dream. But it wasn’t a dream.” and “Everything that happens stays inside you, even if you can’t remember it”

*This article is an English translation of the original Japanese article, “「夢だけど夢じゃなかった」と「一度あったことは忘れない、想い出せないだけで。」―宮崎駿が描く”忘却”という成長装置”.

The “Confirmed Oblivion” in Spirited Away

First, let’s confirm how memory is treated in Spirited Away.

At the end of the story, Chihiro keeps her promise to Haku and never looks back until she exits the tunnel. And when Chihiro returns to the original world, although the hair tie given to her by Zeniba glitters—suggesting that “something” remains—she shows no sign of clearly remembering the events in the mysterious town.

This is not my speculation, but a fact clearly indicated by the storyboard drawn by Director Hayao Miyazaki.

There is a stage direction in the storyboard that states, “She doesn’t remembers anything…”

In other words, intense experiences for Chihiro, such as laboring at the bathhouse, her interactions with Haku, and her confrontation with No-Face, have completely vanished from her surface consciousness.

The “Imprint on the Soul” Indicated by Zeniba’s Line

However, what becomes important here are the words Zeniba sends to Chihiro near the end of the story.

“Everything that happens stays inside you, even if you can’t remember it”

(Original Text, in Japanese)
「一度あったことは忘れないものさ、想い出せないだけで。」

This line is not mere comfort. It can be said to be the very “definition of memory” presented by Hayao Miyazaki.

Chihiro has indeed fallen into a state where she “cannot remember.” However, to borrow Zeniba’s words, that is not synonymous with “having forgotten (lost).” The experience has settled at the bottom of the vessel known as Chihiro and has become a part of what constitutes her unconscious.

At the beginning, Chihiro was a modern child lying lethargically in the back seat of a car. However, her expression after exiting the tunnel is clearly different. Even if the memories are lost, the acquired “power to live” and “self-esteem” are definitely imprinted within her. That was the conclusion of the story Spirited Away.

The “Oblivion That Will Eventually Visit” in My Neighbor Totoro

Next, let’s shift our perspective to My Neighbor Totoro.

Beings like Totoro and the Catbus that Satsuki and Mei met. These are not their delusions, but are depicted as realities that definitely existed there. However, this work also seems to have a “time limit” set that is almost cruel.

The Day Totoro Becomes Invisible

In the film, there is no direct depiction of Satsuki and Mei forgetting about Totoro. Even in the illustrations depicting the aftermath shown during the ending credits, they still seem to be in the afterglow of their mysterious experience.

However, when standing from the perspective of “a child’s growth,” it seems to be an unavoidable fate that they will eventually forget Totoro.

Considering these elements, there is a high possibility that Satsuki and Mei, upon becoming adults, will process the events of that summer as “a dream seen in childhood.” Or, they might drive it completely to the other side of oblivion.

The True Meaning of “It was a dream. But it wasn’t a dream.”

What resonates here is the line shouted by Satsuki and Mei in unison: “It was a dream. But it wasn’t a dream.”

This phrase is uttered in the scene where the nuts received from Totoro sprout in the garden. It was a cry of joy confirming that last night’s experience was not a dream, upon witnessing physical evidence (sprouting).

However, reinterpreting this line in the context of “forgetting” reveals a deeper meaning.

Eventually, they will come to think that the events of that night “were a dream.” The logical thinking of an adult will reclassify the mysterious experience as a “dream.” Yet, even so, that experience continues to remain at their foundation as something that “wasn’t a dream.”

The time spent with Totoro, the awe of nature, the warmth that filled their loneliness. While processed as “fleeting memories like a dream,” they continue to support their lives as “certain experiences that were not dreams.” Wasn’t this line a prophecy of the coming oblivion, and at the same time, a declaration of resistance?

The Salvation of My Neighbor Totoro Guaranteed by Spirited Away

Let’s consider connecting the two works here.

In the future of Satsuki and Mei in My Neighbor Totoro, the anxiety that “they might forget” follows them. Totoro is an illusion peculiar to childhood, and a sadness drifts as if becoming an adult is synonymous with losing it.

However, Spirited Away, made 13 years later, presents a clear answer to that anxiety.

“Even if you forget, it doesn’t disappear.”

Chihiro lost the memories of the other side of the tunnel. Satsuki and Mei might also lose their memories of Totoro. However, Zeniba’s words and Chihiro’s grown figure prove that “forgetting” is never “loss.”

In a sense, can we not view the entire story of Spirited Away as a massive answer song to My Neighbor Totoro? Spirited Away sublimated the sensory conviction of “It was a dream. But it wasn’t a dream.” depicted in Totoro into a structural conviction that “memories continue to remain, you just can’t remember them.”

“Satsuki and Mei” Integrated into One Girl

Finally, I would like to point out the relationship between the two works from the perspective of character design.

It is a well-known story, but in the initial concept of My Neighbor Totoro, the protagonist was not the sisters Satsuki and Mei, but a single girl. The girl standing next to Totoro at the bus stop depicted in the poster visual at the time is an existence that combines the characteristics of both Satsuki and Mei.

If that “single girl” had been depicted as the protagonist as is, what would have happened?

Actually, wouldn’t that be Chihiro from Spirited Away?

Chihiro appears to contain within a single personality the sense of responsibility (or the hardship of being swayed by parents’ circumstances) like Satsuki, and the uninhibitedness and innocence (or recklessness) like Mei.

In depicting the theme of “a child’s growth,” Miyazaki split the functions into sisters in Totoro, and integrated them back into one person in Spirited Away. Thinking this way, Spirited Away might be viewed as a reprise and an updated version of My Neighbor Totoro by Hayao Miyazaki.

Conclusion: Oblivion as Proof of Growth

“It was a dream. But it wasn’t a dream.” and “Everything that happens stays inside you, even if you can’t remember it”

These two phrases are hymns to “childhood” that Director Hayao Miyazaki has consistently continued to depict. Mysterious events experienced in childhood and the sense of unity with the world. Those are inevitably lost and forgotten in the process of becoming an adult.

However, that is not something to be pessimistic about. Because we can forget, people can advance to the next stage. And even if forgotten, the warmth of having slept on Totoro’s belly or the sensation of floating while flying in the sky with Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi (Haku) never disappears, continuing to shape that person’s soul.

We, too, must have become adults having forgotten many things. However, the nostalgia felt in fleeting moments or the groundless sense of omnipotence might be gifts from “Totoro” or the “Gods” that we once met and then forgotten.